Denial (A.K.A. Being in the Dark) Verses a Positive Attitude
The first post of a series about healing and creating a better life. I write about what I have experienced and how it helped me find a greater sense of peace and all the amazing, delectable stuff flowing from there. I like to keep it simple, to the point, and supportive, because so many of us are fighting similar battles even though on the outside our battles may appear different; being human sets us up for some universal suffering. Plus, I am at my best when I am helping others, so here we go…
I will define what I mean regarding denial and a positive attitude to set the foundation and make sure we are on the same page. I have found that even the simplest of terms can mean one thing to one person and something different to another. So I will try to be as clear as possible so we all can perhaps feel better about our options in life and move on to many bigger and better things.
My primary objective is to convey the contrast between denial and a positive attitude because there are misunderstandings held by many of us, and as a result, missed opportunities which keep us from healing and experiencing a greater sense of peace in our daily lives.
Some 17 years ago I began to realize in a mind-blowing fashion that I was unaware of many aspects of myself, both good and bad. (Yes, ultimately nothing is good or bad, but we are talking about healing and finding peace so I am simplifying the language and using these words to make a point.) I was not clear about how I hurt myself at times, how I sabotaged myself. It certainly was not deliberate, nonetheless, it happened anyways. I did recognized some of my strengths, but not enough of them, and I was frequently motivated by fear instead of love.
To make a long story short, I caught on to the extraordinary process of letting go and acknowledging what I had not seen or understood about myself with the intent to create a more peaceful life. Illness rattled my cage and opened me up to an unexpected, yet absolutely wonderful, internal transformation. This invaluable process continues to reward me with an ever expanding sense of peace to this day.
As you well know, life can be extremely challenging, difficult, heartbreaking, and a whole slew of nasty other things, but then again, life can be amazing, joyful, peaceful, exhilarating, and a wondrous adventure. The latter is what we all would likely prefer to experience more often, if not most all of the time. A positive attitude is essential to move toward what we would prefer along with facing our own denial whether conscious or not.
Denial: a state of non-recognition, unawareness, unknowing; a lack of understanding, a disconnect of sorts, whether deliberate or not; sometimes denial serves as a means to protect us, however, often it hurts us.
A positive attitude: a state of knowing you will be okay even though a challenge lies before you; the ability to see the potential good in people and situations; a recognition of your own abilities and strengths to successfully navigate the landscape of your life; an expectation that you will persevere in spite of what is beyond your control; a knowing that you can do whatever you need to do and the end result will lean in your favor; lastly, a full understanding that you ultimately determine your state of mind.
It is rather easy to see how denial is a finite state, limiting in nature. By contrast, a positive attitude is an expansive state, it removes perceived barriers and opens us up to new and improved outcomes in life, including a higher state of mind and a better life. Of course, we could find endless examples contrasting these two states, but I have a point to make. Please bear with my line of thinking here.
Being human certainly destines us to experience denial in some form(s). We will and have witnessed other people’s denial as well. It is often easier to identify it in another instead of witnessing it in ourselves.
On the flip side, my favorite part, we can make a mends and move into a more productive, healing state. We can produce better outcomes for ourselves. We can engage a positive attitude with the intent of creating a more peaceful and loving life that benefits ourselves and those we love.
First and foremost, we have to become aware of what we have been denying, the lies we have been believing and both the nasty and wondrous things we have been hiding from ourselves. Think of it this way, it’s like taking a flashlight and shining it into the dark corners to reveal the truth, whatever it may be. I was absolutely terrified when I first began looking around in the dark with a flashlight, fearing I would discover some horrible dark secrets, some dastardly deeds I had been repeating with complete oblivion. I chuckle now, but fear is overwhelming even though it is absolutely ridiculous at times.
Much to my astonishment, I often found beauty in the dark corners, a light filtering drape blocked me from knowing the best parts of myself. I not only saw how I hurt and mislead myself, but almost always it became an exercise in exposing a positive aspect of myself, quite frankly something that would make me feel good about myself. In fact, the dark corners weren’t ever ultimately dark, they were drenched in light! The darn drape just needed to be pulled back so one could reveal what was behind it.
The light is our strengths, our good qualities, the beauty were inherently possess. You are not all that different than me. You have a great deal of light and just maybe a mere drape needs to be pulled back to uncover it.
Building a positive attitude largely is cultivated by becoming aware of our denial, by exposing what hurts us. Denial opposes a positive attitude. One may pretend to be happy, positive and such, however, it will remain just that, an act. It will keep you from the best part of you and a better life.
To be continued...
